[msmap]

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like
most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received
the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both
of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee
to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor
that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time
and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the
clerks passed out.

[mywickedshelby]

I think I know that guy!

[SGT/SC2873]

I am going to have to use some of these next time wife says we are going shopping!

[ejrail]

SGT/SC2873, on Nov 17 2009, 04:13 PM, said:

I am going to have to use some of these next time wife says we are going shopping!

Good luck with that. I've tried these and more to no avail

This post has been edited by ejrail: 17 November 2009 - 12:26 PM

[MY500SS]

"put M&M's on layaway".


Some of those worked for me. Marji no longer asks me to go shopping with her.

[ejrail]

MY500SS, on Nov 17 2009, 04:31 PM, said:

"put M&M's on layaway".


Some of those worked for me. Marji no longer asks me to go shopping with her.

The closest I got to getting out of shopping was when I poked the points on the bra cups while making "boing" sounds and then laughing when they popped back out.

This post has been edited by ejrail: 17 November 2009 - 01:26 PM

[mywickedshelby]

MY500SS, on Nov 17 2009, 03:31 PM, said:

"put M&M's on layaway".


Some of those worked for me. Marji no longer asks me to go shopping with her.

I think its just cause Marji is nice...................and smart!

Dale lets me slide on shopping too.......she just doesnt need the hassle!

[MY500SS]

ejrail, on Nov 17 2009, 12:34 PM, said:

The closest I got to getting out of shopping was when I poked the points on the bras cups while making "boing" sounds and the laughing when they popped back out.

[SexyStang]

My man Loves to shop with me..... cuz I try stuff on for him.... then I have to call the EMT's....

[mywickedshelby]

SexyStang, on Nov 17 2009, 04:10 PM, said:

My man Loves to shop with me..... cuz I try stuff on for him.... then I have to call the EMT's....

marry him.......and then see what happens!

[tesgt350]

mywickedshelby, on Nov 17 2009, 03:07 PM, said:

I think I know that guy!

I think I AM THAT GUY.....

[MY500SS]

mywickedshelby, on Nov 17 2009, 01:24 PM, said:

marry him.......and then see what happens!

[MY500SS]

If you really want to get out of shopping, just leave the shopping cart in the middle of the isle.

Boy did I get .

[ejrail]

My wife, Wal Mart department manager for 7 years, tells me there is an unwritten shopping cart rule that says you are supposed to stay to the right in an aisle. I am alway bumping in to people. Nobody told me about this.

After too many collisions, I'm off to the bra aisle any way

[SexyStang]

mywickedshelby, on Nov 17 2009, 04:24 PM, said:

marry him.......and then see what happens!

Hmmm you just made me rethink my strategy......



And BTW I already knew that..... I was married once already.....

[Secondo]

mywickedshelby, on Nov 17 2009, 04:24 PM, said:

marry him.......and then see what happens!

Easy- Just make sure she doesn't have any wedding cake!

[MikeCMM]

I think I'm one of the lucky ones. She hates shopping. I don't think she's seen the inside of a store in over a year. That includes groceries.

I also know of a Team Shelby member who's wife is the same way. Let's see if he cares to comment.

[cobra 07]

msmap, on Nov 17 2009, 11:59 AM, said:

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like
most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received
the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both
of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee
to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor
that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time
and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the
clerks passed out.

Why didn't think of that
thanks for the smile

[Secondo]

Women vs. Men shopping:

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[MY500SS]

Secondo, on Nov 19 2009, 06:38 AM, said:

Women vs. Men shopping: